What's on the menu?

What's on the menu?

Monday, 10 September 2012

The Biscuit Scale Of Sexual Attractiveness


In reverse order of attractiveness we introduce

The Biscuit Scale Of Sexual Attraction


1. Garribaldi Biscuits.
You peruse the aisles looking for something, take one look at a pack of Garribaldi Biscuits and move straight on. The fact that some people know them as 'Dead Fly Biscuits' says enough. Definitely not good on the eye. 

2.Millionaire chocolate Shortbread.
We'd all like a little bit of luxury in our lives but the millionaire chocolate shortbread is a bit too pretentious. It's too busy shouting 'look at me' to realise actually it's just a regular piece of shortbread with a sickly top layer that isn't so appealing. You certainly don't want seconds!
Is your man a slice of millionaire chocolate shortbread?

3. Nice Biscuits.
They say nice guys finish last. And Nice Biscuits are the one's that also got picked last for games too. In a personal note they're Plain Jane's. Yes a Plain Jane is atractive to some but really are too Nice and lack that real wow factor of many of the other biscuits on the list in terms of attractiveness. Nice biscuits don't offend but they don't really offer passion.

4. Rich Tea.
Mr boring. He's just crying out for a cup of cocoa to go with his pipe and slippers. Mr Rich Tea is somewhat B-O-R-I-N-G but he's also dependable. You know what you're getting and it's the simple live with no worries, but you may be left wondering if there is a better biscuit out there waiting for you!

5. Jammie Dodger.
Are they a biscuit or are the a cake fake? Just ask the tax man.  Deep down you know they're simply a less glamourous biscuit with a sticky centre. Although you know they have a heart!

6. Bourbon Biscuits.
Unflattering to the eye and so easily forgotten that she needs her name tattooed 'BOURBON' across her forehead the simple exterior is in stark contrast to a rich filling. A Bourbon Biscuit is the equivalent to an immensely intelligent woman with a fantastic personality who is sadly a little lacking in the looks department

7.Digestive Biscuits.
Digestives are simply a make do biscuit. If a Digestive was a man he'd be the one you took to your sisters wedding. You know exactly what you're getting with a digestive- strong looking and dependable. A digestive has potential yet needs an extra layer to become truely great. Whether it's chocolate or use as a biscuit base for a cheesecake a digestive needs to be in a couple and can come across quite needy as a result. Would you like to be its chocolate fantasy topping?

8. Triple Chocolate Cookies.
Addictive and deep down not good for your health. Triple Chocolate Cookies are the bad boy lover of the biscuit world and one you certainly wouldn't bring home to meet the parents.

9. Custard Creams.
A cute blonde of a biscuit. Sweet on the outside with a very tempting flavour in the middle to keep you amused and you could quite easy have a whole pack just to yourself- no sharing of custard creams as these are for keeps. 

10.Chocolate Hob Nobs.
The crunchy rough and rugged oaty texture married with the chocolate covering leads to a melt in the mouth taste which can lead to butterflies and you know it will crumble for the right person. The Chocolate Hob Nob is many people's ideal long term partner.

Are you dating a Bourbon, A Digestive or a Chocolate Hob Nob?

And as for Ginger Nuts....you can decide where they are on the biscuit scale of sexual attractiveness for yourselves.

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